AllSpark Mountain
by Invader Kiwi
Summary: Sunny and Sides take Ratchet on a magical journey to AllSpark mountain. Whaddya mean, there isn't an AllSpark mountain? Shun the non-believers! Written at the tender age of 10, with juvenile author's notes and poor diction. But good for a laugh. Still, you've been warned.


IKP: Ba-weep-granaah-weep-ninny-bong. (Or however you spell it.) This is what happens when I watch Charlie the Unicorn and the 2007 Transformers movie… one after the other. Go figure. I don't own either CtU or TF. Unfortunately.

Jazz: Oh, spice it up a bit. Those boring disclaimers. Add some-

Ironhide: -jazz to it?

Jazz: Well, yes.

IKP: Okaaaaay…

'**To the tune of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star'**

I don't own Transformers or

Youtube's Charlie the Unicorn

Ratchet and the twins aren't mine

Neither is Optimus Prime

I don't own a Charlie either

And I've never seen 'Leave it to Beaver'

Jazz: ??????????

IKP: What? It rhymes.

Jazz: You are weird, even for a human.

IKP: Ah, but I'm not a human! I'm a pickled alien hairless tailless gibbon from planet Soy Milk!

Jazz: I rest my case.

Ironhide: Where did you rest it?

Jazz: It's a figure of speech!

IKP: Moving on…

* * *

**AllSpark Mountain**

* * *

"Hey, Ratchet. Hey, Ratchet, wake up," came Sideswipe's annoying voice. Ratchet was recharging after a long day, and the last thing he needed was…

**"**Yeah, Ratchet. You silly sparky-head, wake up," Sunstreaker added.

Ratchet groaned. "Oh, Prime, you two. This had better be important. Is the base on fire?

**"**No, Ratchet!" Sideswipe said eagerly. "We found a map, to AllSpark Mountain, to AllSpark Mountain, Ratchet.

The mech's twin nodded. "Yeah, Ratchet, we're going to AllSpark Mountain. Come with us, Ratchet."

**"**Yeah, Ratchet, it'll be an adventure. We're going on an adventure, Ratchet!"

Those two could drive him to pieces. "Yeah, AllSpark Mountain, right. I'm just gonna, you know, go back to recharging now," Rachet complained.

But Sides jumped onto Ratchet, knocking the mech to the ground. "Noooo, Ratchet. You have to come with us to AllSpark Mountain."

**"**Yeah, Ratchet, AllSpark Mountain. It's a land of sparks and joy and joyness."

**"**Please, stop bouncing on me," Ratchet cried, shoving Sideswipe away.

The annoying bot refused to stop jumping on Ratchet's back. "AllSpark Mountain, Ratchet."

**"**Yeah, AllSpark Mountain," echoed Sunstreaker.

All right, fine," Ratchet consented, shoving Sides off of his back. "I'll go with you to AllSpark Mountain."

And so the three mechs went on a long journey… and soon emerged in front of… the Decepticon base?

"La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la "

Ratchet was getting annoyed. "Enough with the singing already you bolt-brains!"

"Our first stop is over there, Ratchet," Sideswipe eagerly dragged the medic over to the Deception base. They stop in front of a large robot…

**"**Oh, Prime, what is that?" Ratchet rapidly blinked his optics but the scene didn't change. Sideswipe looked at him

"It's an evil Megatron, Ratchet!"

**"**A magical evil Megatron!" his brother echoed.

**"**It's gonna guide our way to AllSpark Mountain."

Ratchet growled. "All right, guys. You do know that there's no actual AllSpark Mountain, right?"

The twins took a few steps back. Sideswipe held up a metal hand in protest. "Shun the non-believer!"

"Shhhunnn..."

"Shhhhhuunnnnnnn…"

"Yeah…" Ratchet just let them shun him. He'd report all this to Prime later anyway. Suddenly, Megatron looked at them clenched his gigantic fists.

"It has spoken!" Sideswipe cried.

**"**It's told us the way!" Sunstreaker added.

Ratchet rolled his optics. "It didn't say anything!"

A short while later, the group was on a long bridge that barely held their weight.

**"**It's just over this bridge, Ratchet," Sideswipe told him.

Sunny nodded, a human gesture he had picked up. "This magical bridge, of hope and wonder…"

**"**Is anyone else getting splinters in their processors?" Ratchet complained. "Seriously, guys, we shouldn't be on this thing."

There was silence, but obviously Sideswipe couldn't help but break it. "Ratchet, Raaachet, Raaaaaachet Raaaaaa—"

**"**All right, I'm here. What do you want?!" the medic screamed at the mech.

**"**We're on a bridge, Ratchet!"

After an even longer journey, the trio of alien robots finally made it to…

**"**We're here!" Sunny exclaimed.

**"**Well, what do you know?" Ratchet said in wonder. "There actually is a AllSpark Mountain."

Sideswipe began dancing and singing, another annoying habit he'd either picked up from the humans or Jazz. "AllSpark Mountain, AllSpark Mountain, you fill me with sweet sparkly goodness!"

Sunny looked at his brother and then Ratchet. "Go inside the AllSpark Mountain cave, Ratchet."

Sides stopped dancing. "Yeah, Ratchet, go inside the cave. Universal wonders you will behold when you enter. "

**"**Yeah, uh, thanks, but no thanks. I'm gonna stay out here."

**"**But you have to enter the AllSpark Mountain cave, Ratchet!"

Suddenly, as the three argued, five letters danced out from the opening of the cave. S, P, A, and R began to dance, while K started singing.

"Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up, just head right on up to the AllSpark Mountain cave. When you get inside, you'll find yourself a cheery land, such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land. They've got Bumblebee and here's Arcee and AllSpark things, oh so many things that will brighten up your day. It's impossible to wear a frown in AllSpark town, it's the Prime of love and AllSpark joy. It's got all sorts of Decepticons and Autobots. Sparkling tots, big robots, it's a Cybertron of joy. Buy the AllSpark train to town and view the AllSpark mech and the bells, it's a treat as they march across the land. Ectomuffins stream across the sky and to the ground and astound, it's a dancing AllSpark cube. And the AllSpark cube imagination runs so free, so Ratchet please will you go into the cave!" it sang off-key.

The letters ran into each other and exploded.

Ratchet rolled his optics. _"_All right, fine, I'll go into the freaking AllSpark cave. This had better be good," he growled at the twins. Ducking so as not to hit his metal head on the roof of the cave, Ratchet walked inside.

**"**Yeah..." the twins sighed in unison.

"Goodbye, Ratchet," Sideswipe called after the medic.

"Yeah, goodbye, Ratchet!" Sunstreaker echoed his twin… again.

Ratchet turned around. "Goodbye, what?"

Suddenly the door to the cave slid shut and Ratchet was plunged into darkness._ "_Hey, what's going on here? Hello? Who is that?"

A few hours later…

Ratchet awoke from a recharge, lying back in the Autobot base, with a large gash through his metal torso on his right side. "Ow, Prime, what happened? Oh, they took my slagging processor…"

* * *

Jazz: Should we say goodbye now, Kiwi?

IKP: Yes. And you two, come over here!

Sides: What?

IKP: Why'd you do that to Ratchet?

Sunny: Because you wrote it.

IKP: Right. Give him back his processor… which one was it?

Sides: The one that monitors his intelligence.

_(Everyone looks at Ratchet, running into a glass door a short distance away)_

* * *

_**Charlie the Unicorn:**__ Not mine_

_**Transformers**__: Not mine_

_**This storyline:**__ Not mine, but weird enough I could have come up with it_

_**The idea to cross these two together:**__ Definitely mine_

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Please, review to feed my bored mind or I'll be forced to go back to…

Writing 'Danny Phantom: Whose Line Is It Anyway' episodes! The horror…


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